I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
