So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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