Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
