I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
