Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
