Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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