So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize