If i come over, it means nothing
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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