Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
