How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
