turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
