did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
