bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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