she was so not down for the gang bang
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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