i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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