he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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