i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
