Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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