entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry my hands just texted you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
