I should be sponsored by Trojan
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize