Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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