I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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