A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
