He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
FUCK WHALES
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