You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
