i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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