Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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