i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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