and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
