are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
