Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
