dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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