Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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