i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
