She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
