you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
