All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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