Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
