I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
