I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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