Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
