Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
