Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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