The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
