There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
