I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
