Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
