We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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