The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
