You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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