ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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