Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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