Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
