this beer tastes like vomit already
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
