we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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