kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
