i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
