im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
