FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My vagina just clenched in fear
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
