4 words: hood of his car
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
