My nipple is on Facebook.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
