Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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