census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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