i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
