just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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