Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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