don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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