the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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