If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
