Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
