I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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