How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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