hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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